The NFL's Christmas Day schedule isn't steeped in drama: Three games, only two playoff contenders and no Patrick Mahomes in prime time.
Bah humbug.
Here's an idea: If Netflix or Prime want to add spice and seasoning to the menu, one of the streaming services should utilize its technical capabilities to create a fictional, holiday-themed football game.
Artificial intelligence to the rescue!
It would be called the Holiday Bowl. (Apologies to San Diegans. We hear you, Ron Burgundy.) Naturally, it would be played in Santa Claus, Indiana, home of former Chicago Bears quarterback Jay Cutler, who can serve as the grand marshal.
The game would pit the Red Zone Reindeer against Gang Grinch, coached by Pete Carroll and former New York Jets safety Scott Frost (on loan from the University of Central Florida), respectively. It would have reporter Holly Rowe on the sideline and analyst Mike (Oh) Tannenbaum in the radio booth.
There would be honorary captains -- Frostee Rucker for the Reindeer and Ebenezer Ekuban for Gang Grinch, a couple of former NFL defensive linemen.
The league would make an exception for Demarcus Christmas, allowing him to play for the team of his choice even though he's a member of the CFL's Toronto Argonauts. Every Holiday Bowl needs a little Christmas, even though the 2019 Seattle Seahawks draft pick isn't so little -- 6-foot-4, 305 pounds. His contract would include a special clause that validates the transfer.
How's this for a jingle-bell rocking quarterback matchup? Mason Rudolph versus Mike White. The late great Bart Starr would've enjoyed this one, especially on frozen tundra.
There would be enough skill-position talent in the game to melt any snowman. Rudolph would be surrounded by wide receiver Jaylin Noel and running backs Jeremy (Saint) McNichols and Julius Chestnut, who would protect Rudolph from any Blitzen linebackers.
White would be handing off to Breece (Deck the) Hall and throwing to Matthew (Five) Golden (Rings), with CeeDee Lamb working the slot. Former Pittsburgh Steelers star Le'Veon Bell was invited to play, but he opted to sit out because he didn't like the contract offer.
Anchoring the Red Zone Reindeer offensive line would be Cole Strange and Cody Whitehair, who was released last year by the Las Vegas Raiders but would reportedly love the opportunity to be in Santa Claus for the big game. Taylor Decker and Esa (North) Pole would lead Gang Grinch up front.
The defenses would be a Who's (in) Whoville cast of characters -- Dee Winters, Charles Snowden and Cole Holcomb for Team Reindeer, with Darius Slay, Nohl Williams and Teair Tart holding down the defense for Gang Grinch.
And let's not forget the kickers, Cairo Santos and Nick Folk.
There would be sponsors, of course, because bills have to be paid. Nothing says holiday cheer like Jameson Williams and Thomas Hennessy, the ideal way to cap a meal (and a game) that includes C.J. Ham and D.J. Glaze.
So let us exclaim, as we watch in plain sight:
Happy Christmas to all, and to all a Bam Knight.
